The conflict you feel having to leave behind friends, family, and your old routines to be with your spouse is probably greater. Perhaps the best way to further explain the theory is with a common example: Even though over 16 million Americans live with a smoking-related disease, more than 34 million people currently smoke in the U.S., according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Let’s say you fall in love with a man or woman from a different religion, for example. For example, if you stop volunteering for an organization you’ve always cared about or stop a hobby because your partner doesn’t support it or isn’t interested. “It can play a big part in relationships, from friendships to marriage.” Oftentimes the victim is motivated to make the relationship work, Leikam explains. In most cases, a trusted individual must validate her feelings and confirm her reality before the victim can break free for good. While occasional lack of harmony is to be expected in any partnership, folks in unhealthy and abusive relationships may experience constant dissonance. Nearly all of your values align, but he's not keen on having kids. When we're dating, most of us have a list of qualities and values we look for in a potential partner. Cognitive dissonance in lay man’s terms is about having twoconflicting thoughts or beliefs about something or someone at the same time. Compromise is necessary for virtually any relationship. Similar to friendships, in marriage “you will grow and change and make an effort to keep the relationship alive and thriving,” Leikam says. However, even when delivered with kindness and respect, constructive criticism might be hard for some people to take and could cause resentment. Again, something needs to be done to ease that inner conflict. People in romantic relationships often don't realize the role this dissonance plays in interactions with their significant others. Cognitive Dissonance Can Affect Our Relationships Cognitive dissonance can affect our relationships, too, Leikam says. Commitment and Acceptance of Relationship Violence. Despite your longtime desire to have a large family, you convince yourself that a life filled with travel will ultimately be more fulfilling. Perhaps your ideal mate loves children and wants to have a big family. Cognitive dissonance can result when you and your husband or wife have different views, attitudes, or behaviors. Many women and men have a checklist of what they may be looking for in a partner — they should come from a good family, should be well-educated, should be kind. a decrease in relationship satisfaction from time 1 to time 2, but the relationship between change in costs and change in relationship satisfaction did not differ by relationship type. For example, when we are in relationship with a toxic personwho is either your spouse, parent, sibling, or even a your own child, we oftencome up with justifications to excuse their toxic behavior. Your partner will only take action to resolve or reduce their cognitive dissonance when the psychological stress causes greater distress. May 9, 2018 positivagirl 53 Comments You need to be able to think straight and to have ownership and possession of your own thoughts, if you are to fully heal and recover from any abusive relationship. . Back in 1957, psychologist Leon Festinger introduced the theory. Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — Written by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. The cognitive dissonance shows itself through rationalization: On the one hand: she abhors her unhealthy relationship and all the abuse that goes with it; while on the other hand, she tells herself that he only fights with her because he loves and cares for her. This perfect person likely doesn't exist, and without compromise, no potential partner will meet these unrealistic expectations. The researcher explained that, as humans, we live with an innate need for cognitive consistency. You and your partner live in a large city. In this study, research participants were asked to spend an hour completing boring tasks (for example, repeatedly loading spools onto a tray). This can give us deeper insight into who we are, what we’re willing to change for the better, including what’s best for us and areas that need a little more work. If you're eager to learn more about cognitive dissonance and how it affects you and your relationships, read on to learn the history of the theory, common examples of cognitive dissonance, and information about additional resources. What is cognitive dissonance in relationships? A classic example of hypocrisy is a religious person who advocates monogamy but is themselves engaged in extramarital sexual relationships. How Cognitive Dissonance Affects Behavior . stress at work or from lack of work) and might even blame you for exaggerating the issue of drinking or being the cause of it. No relationship is off-limits — cognitive dissonance can be found in all of our social ties, from friendship to marriage. The word cognitive comes from the word cognition, which by definition is the mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses. Cognitive dissonance in abusive relationships We explored how the mind can work to reduce the discomfort of cognitive dissonance and for example rationalize things away. This internal conflict is essentially a discrepancy between our attitudes/beliefs/values and behaviors. What are the choices? What are examples of cognitive dissonance? Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment, and Prevention. RELATED: We Experience Cognitive Dissonance in Real Life All the Time. Festinger's interest in the theory of cognitive dissonance was born from his observations of the Seekers-a now-infamous UFO cult. Similarly, a belief that compromise is at the heart of a peaceful relationship might spell chaos if the other partner refuses to compromise. Study two attempted to create cognitive dissonance about relationships in both … 11 Good Character Traits People Want In A Significant Other. Cognitive dissonance occurs in almost every kind of human relationships- whether it is familial, romantic, or platonic. Cognitive dissonance is the psychological theory that describes the discomfort that results from holding two or more opposing beliefs, and you likely experience it when rationalizing eating that chocolate brownie you know you shouldn’t be eating while on a diet, when seeking biased information to defend your beliefs, and on many other occasions. It refers to the mental conflict that occurs when a person’s behaviors and beliefs do not align. But, at the same time, there’s always something that prevents them from doing it. You love city life and can’t imagine living … It’s because of this that most victims keep putting up with all the lies and abuse. We also explored why truth can become blurry because of the dynamic of narcissists having full certainty about their truth and healthy human beings having doubts. One study noted that victims in these types of relationships have trouble deciding whether to stay or leave since they may view the violence as an exception that doesn’t represent the person’s past behavior. (2). “I arrive and she’s already in the theater, and now I have to stand in a long line by myself and might not even get a ticket because it’s almost sold out,” Dr. Noulas says. When someone is immersed in a toxic relationship, deep down they know they should really get out of it. Later in this article, you'll find a list of helpful resources for effective communication. At this point, the man must make a decision. While the victim loves the abuser and fears being apart, she knows deep down that the abuse cycle will continue. Adjust one’s belief about compromise to it being overrated for a relationship to work or rationalize the partner’s behavior or take action. The alternative therapy can help reset a person’s circadian rhythm for better sleep, which can also help with mental health.